Cut From a Different Cloth (or an update on life)

I don’t think I have a specific style, in fact I dress more like a cartoon character from my younger days, than some fashion icon. I wear the same pair of pants and a dark colored t-shirt, for most occasions. I have a brown pair of Duluth Trading Co. pants that fit amazing and haven’t worn out the three years I’ve been wearing them at least six days a week when its too cold for shorts. I’ve had pants and jeans rip the first time I wore them, but these have lasted and I think I need to get a few pairs of shorts like them for the other 7 months when its too warm for pants. I think when we find something we like we should stick with it.
I like a lot of older values that don’t seem to be part of the culture anymore, I’m not one for dating apps. I’d rather meet someone in real life, than be judged for my picture and how articulate I can write a paragraph about myself. I’d rather meet someone organically in person and not judged by the criteria of an online apparatus, its one of the reasons I got off Facebook. I recently shaved my beard off, I do it almost every spring, but kept my mustache because my genetics gave me a good one. The day after I shaved the beard I got compliments on the mustache from different women at different places, I wasn’t looking for the attention but it made me feel good to get the compliments, even though they were from people who don’t know me aside from having a good mustache. I didn’t realize it but I needed them, they pushed me to do better, to be a better person, with a grand mustache.
Despite having a good mustache, I’ve been struggling with accepting who I am. Am I good enough to be a husband? Do I have the qualities that attract people to me? I mean I have a couple cool cars, a good sense of humor, but might not be that approachable. I’m not one to go out and party, I like beer but won’t buy it to have at my house, its not an everyday part of my life. I have a small circle of friends, but their spread out over different states and countries. I’m not in much debt, but I don’t have much saved either, some weeks I have to chose between the gas station and the grocery store. but I know I have a medical bill coming, for an emergency surgery eight months ago, that will be about a quarter of my yearly income, and I’ll probably be getting a second job or side hustle to cover that.
I want to get married but can’t find someone who wants to take the time to go on a date. I like getting out, but if I don’t have someone to get out with the experience isn’t as memorable, I have loads of date ideas, but they probably wont ever come to actual dates.
I want kids, many people have told me I’ll be a good dad, but at this rate I’ll be the old dad at the school events, but also probably the most fun, because that is a priority as well in my life. I love going on adventures, even making adventures out of everyday life, like can you drive from one town to the next without touching a highway. Or a spontaneous overnight camping trip, I have a kitchen box that moves into whatever car I’m driving so I can cook a meal if I get the ingredients. One friend when he introduces me to people sometimes calls me a chef, I’ve never claimed that title, but I have cooked in a few restaurants over the years and know my way around a kitchen, if you give me a recipe I probably wont follow it completely the second time I make it because I know how to tweak certain ingredients to make things better.
Maybe I’m ranting, and maybe no one reads this.
If you know me in real life, and not just on the internet, let me know you read this.

Ice can be sketchy.

This morning on the drive to June Mountain to ski the powder after a storm came through. Also put snow on the road. And they plow the roads but sometimes the plows leave an icy surface that’s pretty slick. We came over the crest of a hill and at the bottom, about a 1/4 mile down, there were about 30 cars stopped I hit the brakes and started sliding, turned the wheel to the left then the back started to swing so I turned back to correct the slide while also continuing to apply the brakes, did a full spin and came to a stop facing the opposite direction I was going next to the the truck a head of us, driver window to driver window, we rolled down our windows and he asked if we had our brown pants on, we exchanged celebration of the save. I turned my car around and we waited for them to get traffic moving again, the cars that came behind us also had a time stopping on the ice, so we were watching the mirrors until there was a good buffer.

Didn’t hit anyone, no injuries, scared my passenger a little bit, but it’s something they’ll remember for the rest of their life.

We skied, ate pocket snacks, and had a wonderful day. Super thankful to God that we didn’t hit anything and were able to have such a great day.

If you wake up cynical, don’t stay there…

Life has been frustrating, but I try not to let it get to me.
Sometimes you just wake up feeling pissed off. and I don’t know why. A couple things come to mind that just added fuel on the fire. Utility companies that have been charging more than my rent the last few months, unknown feelings; a little on my part a little on another’s. How do you get rid of that little cynical part of your mind that comes out to terrorize you sometimes.

As a Christian I spend time with Jesus, I give my worries to Him, sometimes I journal it out so I can look back later in life. Put on some worship music and sit in His presence, other times I go for a run or hike because sometimes getting exercise somehow eases the mind. Or find a scripture that speaks to the situation and dwell on it, write it on a sticky note and put it in your car on the dash, ore somewhere else you will see it to remind you.

I need to get my focus off my problems, and back on the things that matter. I ask God how sees me, He loves us, cares for us, sometimes we lose focus on that fact. Sometimes we put all our focus on a certain thing and get totally surprised when something else comes out of the blue, even though if we had been aware we wouldn’t have been surprised.
Sometimes people walk away from the things they used to know. Love them through it, don’t be so pushy with your beliefs, that might just turn them off to you and what you have to say. Years ago I had a friend asked about certain details about someone I love tremendously, mostly to try to frame judgement over that person, at least that’s what it felt like to me, rather than supply those details I distanced that friendship, didn’t cut them off but put space there, and still have a healthy relationship with the person they judged. Sometimes people just need someone to listen to them without judgement. I’m pretty good at doing that. Who am I to judge someone? In John 8 Jesus said “let he who is without sin cast the first stone” I’m not without sin, and neither are you. so lets stop being so judgmental and just love people.

If you wake up cynical, don’t stay there, no matter how tempting it is.

Sometimes you just need to Word-Vomit

This is just that, word-vomit.
Sometimes we need to get thoughts out and I usually do that in a journal, but its not here right now.

Read it or don’t.

Sometimes you think about things randomly. In a conversation about ten years ago, or longer, my sister once said thoughts are like spaghetti noodles, I see that now. Sometimes you pull the thought out of your head and see how long it is, sometimes it breaks quick, other times it seems to go on a long time and curls around the fork seemingly endless. Last year I bought a new bed, I needed one and realized that I was in a place where I didn’t see life changing much in the future. I bought a Twin XL mattress and rebuilt the frame I had for the queen mattress I had before. I couldn’t just get a twin because I’m far over the average height hence the Twin Xl, long enough for my height but not that wide so it doesn’t take up the whole room like the queen used to. A double or full sized mattress is too short. I like the frame, its lofted so I can store a bicycle and other big gear underneath it if needed. I’m a single guy and didn’t see that changing in the future, so I don’t need that much space, I won’t be sharing it unless I marry a woman, and when that happens it won’t be this bed. I honestly was thinking I’ll have this bed till I die. With no relationship prospects on the horizon, the ones I had never answered when I called. It seemed rather hopeless, but I know God gave me this desire to be married, there just weren’t any prospects that shared the same desire for fun that I had. not to say there weren’t any single ladies in my life, just not any that seemed to want to spend any time with me, so I was ready to just resolve into being the dessert/mountain hermit that I am. Sure I have friends, but not any that were asking the important questions like “How are you really?” The people who can read between the lines when you tell them you’re okay or all right. On July 29th my appendix decided to get inflamed and caused me enough pain to go get it checked out at the emergency room at the local hospital. I called my friend and let him know I was going in and probably wouldn’t make our run the next day, well they scheduled me for surgery to get the appendix removed the next morning and my friends called and said after surgery I was going to their house to recover for a few days. I didn’t even ask. That’s how you know when people love you, when they pull you out of your little world and take care of you when you need it, even when you don’t think you do. I probably would have done something against the release instructions if I had just gone home. But having friends just take care of me, make sure I’m eating, getting up and moving every couple hours. After that I put myself out there a little more. I got my house to a place where I feel like I can have people over to visit, even though when I plan things they are all to busy or forget about it. I’m actually putting myself out there and seeking the attention of someone. I know people love me, I know God loves me, and I’m doing my best to reciprocate that. Love God, love people. Do it without expecting anything back. If you see a need, fill it. I started writing more here on the blog, but also in my journal. recently started working out more, both doing running and doing bodyweight workouts with a group once a week as well.

Like I said at the beginning this is part rant, part word-vomit, just getting the thoughts out.