I’m in a spot where being single kind of sucks, I see my friends, most are married or in relationships with someone, and feel like its missing in my life. They have people to listen and hear what’s on their hearts and minds. I don’t have that at all, I’ve got the skills in the kitchen, some skills in the garage and workshop. I started to try and put myself out there and pursue relationships with a few women, but had no interest from them in going any deeper than friendship. Honestly that is fine, but when I tell some of my guy friends. One of them said you have to show interest in the girl and then she will reciprocate interest back, but he didn’t make me feel like he even heard what I had said. he just wanted to tell me what I needed to do without hearing what I’d already tried. he didn’t make me feel heard. But also he got married 16 years ago and doesn’t know the single persons culture anymore either, especially those that are in their late 30’s.
I could just slink back into my own bubble and work on my own stuff and stop putting myself out there for the hurt that seems to come with it. I’ll stop trying to hang out with people, who have lives that are to busy to include me. I’ll stop asking to hang out, or do fun things the after the few times someone says they are busy, maybe fall off communicating all together. That seems to be a bigger part of life right now. I know God gave me the desire to pursue marriage and have kids, sometimes I feel I’m behind on that train.
I’m probably a little bitter and maybe a little hurt, maybe I need to go on a long run with a buddy, or alone, and talk stuff out loud . Or sit by a firepit and process the deep thoughts into the night, rather than just push them back down, but my firepit seems to be too far away from most of my friends so I’ll do that solo as well.
I miss making food for people regularly, every time I take something to a potluck, or dinner party I get pretty big acknowledgments. and usually go home with empty dishes. I signed up to take salsa to a taco party the other night and went to the store with the intention of getting a couple jars, but also walked through the produce section and saw the prices of tomatillo’s and peppers and thought I’ll just make a salsa verde and save a little money by buying fresh ingredients, it turned out great, probably better than what comes from a jar. I’ll keep cooking good food, but also keep running so I can eat as much good food as I like, I’ll keep trusting Jesus and stop worrying about the rest.
Those that know me in real life, honestly you’re probably the only ones reading this, but let me know you did, and what you think about it.
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JerRemixMiah 